It Hurts So Bad...

Have you ever felt so much pain that tears just kept streaming down your cheeks even when you try so hard to keep them in? I debated about sharing this, but decided to do so anyway.

Last night, I found out something that would have been better hidden away forever. I already know about Sayang's past, but why does the little details still hurt so badly? I mean, I had already knew what I could probably face, when I chose not to walk away after he told me about his past, but I didn't expect it to be so painful. I shouldn't have looked it up, I should have known better than that. Now that I know, and there seemed to be more than what I had originally thought was a number special to only both of us, I can't help feeling hurt. I really hope it's just a coincidence. Sayang doesn't know what I have discovered yet. I keep telling myself that I can bear with it, that I will pretend that nothing happened so that I won't worry him.

The truth is, I really need him to be with me right now, to ease away my pain and tell me that it's all gonna be okay...