Saturday, 22 August 2009

I'm kinda feeling numb now, a little drained out. I'm going through the phase of ' I just want to study full-time' and quit working. Plus, I have been experiencing some unhappiness at work. Unquestionable, I love the kids and I do wanna see them grow, from a level to another level. Just that, I'm rather upset with how the supervisor corrects me in from of my own students during lesson time, in a chiding manner. I wish she would speak to me with respect, like I'm an adult instead of that tone she used, when she's scolding the kids. I keep thinking if I am 10 years older than now, she would probably not speak to me in that manner. People are telling me to talk to her about it, and I'm trying to find courage to do so, because, I've never been the confrontational kind of person. I rather let it go or keep everything inside of me. I hope things will get better. My parents discussed and they are giving me an option of quitting to concentrate on my studies, my dad's unhappy with how the supervisor's treating me as well. Don't get me wrong, she's not a witch. I just think maybe she's so used to speaking to kids in a certain manner that she used it on me too. Seriously, I teared on Friday cos' I was so upset that she corrected me 3 times in 2 periods, right in front of my kids, with that kinda tone.

I'm trying to sort out my feelings, whether I wanna quit soon or hang in there, whether I am able to live with no allowance and having to let my parents pay for my education. I need time to think....

On another note, I've decided to take a leap of faith and save up for the 'Shalom Israel Study Tour' that the church's organising. I realised that I've always pushed away thoughts of going to such trips because I assumed that my parents wouldn't agree and I will not have enough money to go. I should not be thinking of that, I should just trust in God to provide instead of relying on my own strengths and means. So this time, I just wanna trust in Him, that He will make it happen if it's meant to be. :)

I'm still waiting for my attachment! Please Lord, let it be approved really soon!

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